The day that we found out we had lost our sweet baby will be a memory that stays with me forever. I don't think I had any idea what true loss was like until this year, but rediscovering God's grace for me through this process is one thing that I dont think I would trade. I have come to truly understand what a blessing is. It is a a special, merciful, benefit that He gives to us. What stands out to me in that is the merciful part because I have realized over the last 6 1/2 months that I don't deserve to be blessed. It is because of God's mercy and love for me that I am. I think that was the hardest part of this lesson. It was realizing that I don't deserve a baby, just like I don't deserve a lot of things in my life, but being blessed with a child is a gift.
Obviously, I find music to be therapeutic. It makes me feel better and helps me cope. I can easily, VERY EASILY, start to become angry with God; so I find that by listening to worship music, it helps me to focus on what I do have and what I have been blessed with. That being said, I want to today to be a day of thankfulness and praise. I want to chose to remember how much I love this little baby that God blessed me with for 11 weeks. I may have only carried him for a little while, but I will always be his momma and totally in love with the small gift God blessed me with.
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
Tomorrow was my due date from my first pregnancy as well. I should have twin one year olds tomorrow and can't believe I'm passing my due date for the second time, with a flat tummy and empty arms. I know how hard it is, I've had 3 miscarriages also. Your candor and faith are inspirational. I'm praying for you!
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