Blessings

So the purpose of this blog was originally for me to write about and reflect on the blessings that I often forget about during this whole mess. I feel like I haven't really done that though. It's so so so hard to focus on the positive when you just want to wallow. I sort of feel like it's similar to when I go for a walk and I catch myself just starring down at the pavement in front of me and not looking up to enjoy where I am and the scenary around me. The walk becomes so much more enjoyable when I don't just focus on the ground (or the lowest point) the whole time. It also seems a lot shorter too!

One of the things I am most grateful for through this entire experience has been my rediscovered relationship with my mom. We have always been "close," especially when I was growing up. My parents have been divorced since I was two, and even though she was remarried for a time, she acted mainly like a single parent to me (think Lorelai and Rory)! Anyway, I moved out of state to marry DH and we haven't lived close to one another for about four years. Back in July 2011, she made the move from WI to S. FL and now lives about twenty minutes away. I admit that having her so close again has been a little bit of an adjustment. I guess I was just used to my routine with DH and having my mom back around and close by changed some of that.

All of that said, my mom has been such a rock for me through all of this. She was with me in the OB's office when I found out about my first m/c (DH couldn't be there bc he was helping with his best friend's funeral the same day). She saw me meltdown and completely took over. She went on auto pilot and just completely helped me cope through each situation. She came over and spent the night the night I miscarried naturally. She washed the bedding and the clothes afterward so I wouldn't have to. She put away all the reminders of our babies so I wouldn't have to. She made dinners, and lunches, and breakfasts. She's come with me for my bloodwork bc I am a wuss when it comes to needles, and she's met me for lunch at work most days since my latest loss so that I can just sit in the car and cry if I need to.

She has been so supportive, and I am so incredibly blessed to have her nearby. I cannot imagine living this nightmare without her. It's a blessing I want to recognize more than I have because even though I wish things were different, and that I hadn't had one miscarriage (let alone three), and that I was still 36 weeks pregnant today, I am so grateful for the mom I have, and the new, redefined relationship we have discovered through this experience.